Today, El Paso owner JeeberD, is under fire from Norm DePlume's Burning Questions:
[bae5744c]#10[/bae5744c]: Which player do you think El Paso could submit as an MVP candidate?
I really don't want to use one of the oldest cliche's in the book, Norm, but it REALLY has been a team effort this season. Everyone has been playing well for us with no one person standing out. However, if I was forced to name an MVP I would have to pick Pierre Hinson. The man is having a monster year with 56 tackles from the DE spot as well as 24 hurries and 10.5 sacks, which is second in the league. Without him, I think our feared defense would be merely average...
[bae5744c]#9[/bae5744c]: Who's got the most pimped out ride on the team?
That's easily Terrell Keith. After we gave him a nice new contract earlier in the year he got himself a new ride and took it to those crazy dudes who do that show on MTV. You know that Terrell is originally from Hawaii, right? Well, he got his entire Escalade done in a Hawaiian motif. He has a gold hula dancer on his dash, pineapple print suede interior, all kinds of crazy shit. He even managed to get them to make bamboo spinners for his wheels!
[bae5744c]#8[/bae5744c]: Which loss was your toughest to get over? Why?
That's easily our loss to our biggest rival, Fargo. They had dominated us for so long but we finally managed to turn the corner and sweep them last year. And yes, while Fargo is playing good ball this year we still feel we're the better team, but I gameplanned the game entirely wrong and they wound up crushing us.
Revenge will be ours, however...
[bae5744c]#7[/bae5744c]: Leather or Latex?
Leather, by far. Latex sticks to your skin and pulls on your body hair. Plus, when you've got the physique that I do, you don't exactly wan't to show off every contour of your body...
Plus, there's nothing quite like wearing ass-less chaps and having your woman whip you like you've been a bad, bad boy!
[bae5744c]#6[/bae5744c]: What position do you think will need to be addressed in free agency next year? The draft?
I think we're pretty set at most positions, though we could probably use a little help in the seconday, like most of the teams in the league. However, we are currently $40 million over the cap so I don't know if we'll be able to go after anybody in the first place. Hopefully we'll be able to pull off some creative renegotiations...
[bae5744c]#5[/bae5744c]: What makes El Paso attractive for potential free agents?
First off, the Mexican food alone makes this place worth living. I've eaten Mexican food all over the country, but there's nowhere that can compare to El Paso for overall Mexican food quality...
Secondly, this is a great football town. It wasn't always this way, though. When Mike Price came in and turned around the perennially losing UTEP team, he changed the attitude of the citizens here. I mean, can you imagine the city voting for a 100,000 seat college stadium back in the nineties? It's amazing what back-to-back NCAA championships will do for a city.
Third, the cost of living is dirt cheap. With as much money as the players are making they live like kings here. The mountains are dotted with their massive mansions.
And finally, crossing the border into Juarez for a little drink-and drown with the college kids. $15 and all you can drink for the rest of the night. It's simply great...uhhh...not that I approve of my players doing that, of course.
[bae5744c]#4[/bae5744c]: Who's been busted the most for farting in the trainer's whirlpool?
Our third round pick Bart DiStefano is the gassiest man I've ever met. I think all he's eaten since he came down to El Paso is the great Mexican food, and you can tell. I think he creates more bubbles in the whirlpool than the pool's jets actually do!
[bae5744c]#3[/bae5744c]: Looking back on training camp, what one thing would you spend more time on? Less time?
I wish we would have worked on the passing game a little bit more. Ernest Lorenzo got off to a very slow start this year and is just now finally hitting his stride. I think we could have won at least two of the games that we lost if we could have hit the open receivers.
I think we spent a bit too much time working on our run defense. It was already very good, and there really wasn't much room for improvement in that area. Pretty much wasted time, if you ask me...
[bae5744c]#2[/bae5744c]: If you could have one guy on the team bed your wife, who would it be? Totally off the record of course and you can count me as on the team.
Matt Schumann is one sexy bitch, and I would be proud to have him boink the little lady. Of course, the fact that he's gay makes it a moot poi...uhh...you did say this was off the record, right?!?!
[bae5744c]And Norm's #1 burning question[/bae5744c]: If you had to choose between being Shreveported in the CFL Bowl game or being gang raped by the losing team after you won it, which would you choose? Remember, you're not gay as long as you don't push back.
Oh, no question, getting gang raped by the losing team. After all, you never can be sure you're going to make it back to the big game again. Plus, I think I might be able to talk a certain linebacker into taking my spot...
Next up on the clock, Tampa Bay's Wademoore. Be careful, next time you step off the field, Norm DePlume may ask you...a Burning Question.
Update: Norm was spotted boarding a United flight headed for Colorado...
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