LMAO!
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| Tucson Will Lose Thi http://www.thecfl.us/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1525 |
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| Author: | Grid Iron [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 8:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Tucson Will Lose Thi |
Man, are they in for a big surprise. . . It's called the "Tommy Kuhn-Matt Brunner Connection!", and it means the Toros will suffer a humiliating 49-0 defeat at the hands of the Oregon Ice! Tommy hasn't played very well this season, but I know in my heart he is going to turn it around. Thank you for your attention. This has been a public service announcement. |
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| Author: | TurfToe [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 10:19 am ] |
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In related news, TurfToe has come under federal investigation after a large deposit was made to Tanya Harding's bank account from the Las Vegas Rounders. When asked for comment, TurfToe had this to say, "If Nancy Kerrigan suffers a most unfortunate blow to the knee this week, then I'm guilty as hell. If Drew Holliday were to suffer a similar, surprising circumstance than I feel we would have to chalk that up to pure coincidence. A total fluke of nature in my mind...and I hope those Toro bastards lose this week. Again, my feelings on their game are completely unrelated to this current investigation." We have also learned that Michael Jackson's attorney is currently on retainer with the Rounders. |
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| Author: | Fonzie [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 11:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Toros Management Str |
TUCSON (AP) - The Tucson Toros management team, which consists of Dennis DeYoung (keyboards, vocals, director of pro personnel), Steve Perry (lead vocals, director of scouting), Eddie Van Halen (lead guitar, special assistant to the VP), Jack Black (warbling, shenanigans, strength and conditioning coach), Geddy Lee (bass guitar, special assistant to the GM), and Bill Bruford (drums) issued a press release today in response to the vitriol spewed from league rivals. The press release, in its entirety: "The Tucson Toros will totally rock everyone's asses off all season. Attempts to avoid the ass-rocking-off will be futile, and for their own good we encourage our opponents to cooperate with the assings. Thank you." |
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| Author: | Grid Iron [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 11:42 am ] |
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PORTLAND (Reuters) - The Oregon Ice management team which consists of Lexington Steel (Actor, Lead Scout), Ron Jeremy (Director and Producer, Ass't Director of Player Personnel), Jenna Jameson (Actress, Cheerleader), Kobe Tai (Actress, Massage Therapist), Tera Patrick (Actress, Player Conditioning), issued the following press release today: "The Ice are going to f&$% the Toros in the a%% this week, big time! The money shot alone will be worth the price of admission." |
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| Author: | Fonzie [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 11:47 am ] |
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Tucson (Drudgereport.com) - Toros management replied with surprise and bi-curiousity at the Oregon Ice's abrupt offer to have sexual intercourse. "We're not usually into spontaneous sex and stuff, but we're totally down with the Ice, so we'll make an exception" said team spokesperson David Lee Roth. "But if we're gonna make the sweet lovin' we'll have to insist on going bareback. None of that condom sh*t." |
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| Author: | Grid Iron [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:28 pm ] |
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LMAO!
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| Author: | JJ Smitty [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:26 pm ] |
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[quotee4c19dd="Fonzie"]Tucson (Drudgereport.com) - Toros management replied with surprise and bi-curiousity at the Oregon Ice's abrupt offer to have sexual intercourse. [/quotee4c19dd] WTF??? 
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| Author: | TurfToe [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 6:05 pm ] |
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Lenny "Jackpot" Olsen's wife was last seen boarding a plane with a ticket to the Toros/Ice game. Hey Raven Hawk, did you mean something like that? |
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| Author: | Shooter [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 6:24 pm ] |
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And in other news... It appears that Bridgette Hall has been spotted mounting an American Airlines ER4 flight out of Shrevport, LA at 8:40 am this morning. According to flight details, her plane is due to land in Portland, OR at 6:08 pm. |
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